The darkness did not bother me. I had been in the dreams of humans before, watched as they faced whatever was their most profound fear. Sometimes, I brought the horror with me, like this time, feeling the void wrap me like my favourite clothes.
I liked it best when I found myself in pleasant dreams, amongst loved ones, set in well-known and safe places. The one dreaming rested comfortably then, unaware of the clouds of nightmare gathering slowly. Any sunlight would then fall dull and flat; familiar faces would twist, contort into gruesome caricatures and then, with hardly any warning, the dreamer would be locked in a world of my making. My own demons lived here and other unnameable creatures captured from the subconscious of those who hated. Those sent from the material world by my hands.
I could feel a throbbing, like the beating of a human heart, and a tinge of panic around the edges as well. There was a feeling of anticipation too and I knew the dreamer was wondering what would happen next. This was no ordinary dream, I gradually realised, no thoughts or fears for me to grab hold of and shape to my own grim purposes. There was only an emptiness, as if the dreamer waited to see what colours of hell I'd use on this particular canvas.
I wanted her in hell right then, the rhythm of her life racing along impossibly fast until her heart exploded in her chest. I saw her dead in her bed, eyes staring at nothing, filled with the last terror of this life, seeing nothing else for eternity.
I faded into the blackness, trying to coax the dreamer into a sense of security, wondering, briefly, if I'd finally found myself in the middle of more than I bargained for.
I never bothered to find out who those guys were she sent to kill Tonio. It was enough that I knew that she had been behind the attempt. The men were dead, killed instantly by me. She was a much bigger problem, mostly because Tonio felt he had to protect her. Which only made me see red. He asked me just once to spare her life and never mentioned it again - as if our not talking about it would make it all go away. As if I could forget what she tried to do to him and to me. I could play the game too. Much better that Tonio think he's succeeded in his little endeavour.
The darkness was lifting. It seemed to float away like morning fog being burnt off by the rising sun. I was barely breathing as I watched the dreamscape around me take shape. Tropical, warm and sunny, clear ocean, white sand and the heat that beat down made you tingle for the sparkling surf. I heard voices but could not make out what they were saying. Something shifted and I was suddenly a ghost amongst a large group of people, all laughing and chattering. They were handsome and confident men and women. Young children scampered here and there totally caught up in chaotic games of tag.
I looked closer.
She sat amongst them, relaxed and happy and I knew immediately she dreamt of family. It was intuition confirmed by the young boy beside her who could have been a twin. A woman sat close by her, older, well-worn, hot weather clothing revealing abundant flesh. The woman's hair was a colour that could have only come out of a bottle. In thirty years, she would be that woman.
Finally, I could make out the dialect of Puerto Rico - barely understanding their chit-chat but noticing when the occasional familiar word rolled over me. This was an extended family gathering, the last one she had attended. The last time she and all her brothers had been so happy.
And it was suddenly, stupidly, so amazingly clear who the men had been; who I'd obliterated without a flicker of thought or feeling. Who I wouldn't hesitate to kill again, if forced into the same situation. Here, she could enjoy their company once again, grow warm from their smiles, bask in the love they held only for her, their little sister. Tonio would never walk into this life, never be the cause of her brothers leaving her, never bring the grief she thought would kill her.
A shadow crossed her face and my heart skipped a beat. I crushed the suspicion that she could still sense my presence. Strong, this one but I already knew that. I saw it that night in I Tre Merli when she had the guts to face me. No human had ever done such a stupid, impulsive thing before. That Latino bravado; if you were going to go down, go down fighting tooth and nail. I had to admire it.
What would happen next unfolded in my mind, like looking down a long, straight highway going on until it fell over the horizon's edge. My arms came away from my sides and rose slowly up until my palms came together over my head. Sunlight was fading quickly and the sounds of the ocean, soothing if a bit rough, took on a different note entirely. All activity stopped and she turned her face towards the place where I stood. For one insane moment, I thought perhaps she saw me and understood what I would do.
No matter. Winds with hurricane force slammed into us, scattering the paraphernalia of picnics and beach play, scattering bodies, old and young. I finally let her see me and we stood, amongst the wind-beaten people and flying debris, staring at each other, allowing the hatred to become something solid between us. I knew in that moment that she had no regrets. She would grab any opportunity she could to see Tonio dead. My rage filled the sky.
She was beautiful and angry, which filled her with a power to be respected. I easily saw the concentration in her eyes, the determination to take back control of her dream. I laughed softly. It wasn't a sound to encourage others to laugh with me. I was calling back the darkness now even as she struggled to bring back the sun and gentle waves along with the security of her family.
When she looked slowly towards the sky, I knew the moment had come. At first, the beast of recurring nightmares seemed like a cloud. But then it broke free of its black and grey camouflage and hurtled down to us like some world-destroying meteor. Even I could smell it and I knew she would be choking under its heavy, stinking wings as it knocked her senseless and pressed her slim body into ground that was no longer sand but hard and cold. While that cold threatened to drain her body's heat, the powers of the beast's noxious odour would carry her to another place, into the dream I had prepared for her as I had looked down that highway disappearing into the distance.
I believe there is a primal power in us all and that we are all aware of it to a greater or lesser extent. There have always been humans who have practised magic and I wasn't arrogant or stupid enough to believe that the land of magic was exclusively ours. Face to face with her, I had to admit it. She was striking, gorgeous in her rage. Everything she was struggled to beat me now and I knew: she would like to blast me to dust.
A shaft of light fell between us, like a knife's edge against the darkness. Where it fell, I saw the ground shimmer and become sand for seconds that seemed like eternity. She laughed and seemed to take a little strength from this small victory. Far away, an ocean was roaring and I was reminded of the sound that can be heard inside a large conch shell. Some believe it is the sound of the sea that's left its echo in the shell. I think it might be a trick of the imagination, a notion I clung to as I fought to take complete control of this situation.
The blade of light began to grow. I allowed it but concentrated on changing it subtly. It wasn't the sun. It muted, formed itself into a small ball a few yards from us. The ocean's pounding changed key and gradually, sounds of a city surrounded us. Light, in the form of sparse streetlights, struggled on the fringes of where we stood but immediately around us, there was only shadow. Three large shapes appeared, familiar to me now. When I first saw them all those days ago, they were faceless, nameless men. Now I knew them for who they were.
I forced her gaze down.
Tonio lay on the ground, protecting himself as best he could against the savage blows and kicks. We could hear the grunts of effort as her brothers pounded him, the dull thud of Tonio's flesh absorbing the beating. We could hear his silent screams for help, for me.
She fought to meet my eyes then and I felt a wave of despair from her as she began to understand what would happen next. I pressed on and saw her body jerk and could feel her resistance. Wrenched into the body of her youngest brother, she no longer had the strength to fight me. I disappeared from her dream reality as she was sucked into the violence happening before her. Not before I felt a little tug and realised, a little panicked, that she had reached out for me at the last minute, trying to tie me up in my own spell.
She *was* her youngest brother then, feeling everything that he felt. I knew she was bewitched by the physical relief of venting rage; the exhilaration of dispatching a traitor and one who had the nerve to spurn their sister in favour of something not even vaguely human; a fierce determination that Tonio would soon be dead at their feet.
The scene before me started to slow, as if the action now took place at the bottom of deep water. Dream-time went forward a nanosecond at a time. Their blows no longer fell on their helpless target. The shadows vibrated with the approach of something large and smothering. Screaming was futile. I watched as they tried anyway and could hardly stop myself from trying too. The beast pressed down on us all. They tried to raise their arms in gestures of protection or maybe to try to offer their last prayers. I watched death steal into their eyes and with the last breath in my body, willed their annihilation.
As the souls of the brothers burst apart, the tiny fragments disappearing into the void, her last attempt, either to catch me or exert some kind of control over this nightmare, raked across me like the sharp claws of an angry, frightened cat. Unexpected and painful, but ultimately as ineffective; I would survive.
The gloom was growing deeper, making it impossible to breathe. Unable to move, I shot my thoughts skyward, horribly aware of the danger of being trapped here in this terror of my making, with so much death and hate around me. I crushed the urge to scream and fight and concentrated only on escape and reaching the stars. If I believed I wouldn't make it, I wouldn't. No breath left, a roaring in my ears and a pain behind my eyes that threatened to explode my head, I was surrounded by a flash of light with the power of a million suns. Uniform, unending white erupted all around me, my eyes filled and blinded by it even though I knew I had them squeezed shut.
Then, I bolted upright in his bed, filled my lungs with blessed air and Tonio's new and spacious apartment shook with my howl
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